That’s what I have been trying to do over the past few days. I succeeded in putting out a few notes while consciously trying to give a cold shoulder to the inner critic who repeated that my writing was not good enough.
There were messages from the external world that influenced me. A few people wrote to me saying that long form of writing was passe’ so why labour? I took it to heart and interpreted it differently. Well, may be my long form doesn’t cut it. So why bother?
Amidst this internal mumbling and external stimuli, my mind continued to give me ideas. Last night, I was reading while the TV was on. I was not watching but was in the same shared space – trying to read a book when I noticed a sudden movement outside my window.
The whole day it snowed so there was a huge amount of snow in the backyard. My gaze kept shifting from the book to the window and- for a moment, I thought I saw a sudden and abrupt movement in the backyard. It was dark and all I could see was snow.
Where there was no structure standing earlier, in the pristine white, I started seeing an image- that of a white animal. An animal covered in snow or perhaps an animal that had a white coat of fur.
While my mind continued to spin stories, I continued to read but whenever I looked at the window, I thought the white image moved. It was quite tall too- a tall animal? With white fur?
I started thinking about white bears. I had heard and read many bear tales but had never seen one in the wild. My logical brain instantly ruled out the possibility of any tall animal in the fenced backyard. Not possible.
Though I knew about white bears in Ontario, I quickly Googled just to make sure – so I wouldn’t come across as idiotic. Dismissing the possibility of a real white bear in this part of Canada, I kept my discovery a secret.
On closer inspection, my husband said there wasn’t anything unusual in the backyard but from where I sat, I continued to see the figure in white.
I didn’t budge from where I sat but encouraged my better half to do the close inspection!
That’s when a paradigm shift occurred in my thinking. What if what I were seeing was not outside but was instead inside?
A reflection?
Well, it was the reflection of a gigantic white orchid flower! A few days ago, I had moved the orchid to its new destination and I hadn’t noticed its reflection in the window earlier. Or may be I did but it wasn’t noticeable enough. After the heavy snow made the backyard look magical, let loose by imagination, my mind gifted me the almost impossible thought of a bear in my backyard!
It must have been a clump of snow that fell from the rooftop- that the my peripheral vision captured and projected as a moving white object. Is that even possible? I don’t know. As soon as I looked my eyes were fixed on the white reflection. In no time, from the falling white clump of snow, my eyes shifted to the reflection of the white flowers. And as imaginative as I can get, I started seeing the bear!
I am telling myself that I can listen to that part of my mind that loves to spin stories – with imaginary provocation. That’s what makes me happy and upbeat. So here I am with another joyous note.
Whims and fancies 